True Blathe Cranberry Sass Recipe

This Thanksgiving Cranberry Sauce I brewed up is Pure Evil…so naturally, I had to share it with you.

This dark and rich cranberry sauce recipe is both vegan and gluten-free.  It can be modified for my straight-edge darlings by replacing the wine and port with sour cherry or pomegranate juice.  Or for the bent-edgers, you can just boil it all for 15 minutes to ensure that the alcohol has burned off.

I used to abhor cranberry sauce, so I whipped up this one in an effort to make something decadent and delicious, and it’s become one of the staples at my family’s table.  

Disclaimer: By now, we all know about the real history of Thanksgiving, and America.  And it feels particularly poignant after the last few years, as we witnessed the resistance at Standing Rock, followed by our sub-cultures’ various attempts at dystopic exorcisms, and now the ever-expanding attacks on people’s rights to exist, love each other, and make decisions about their own bodies.  But we also know that it is still a time when our families travel great distances to be together, which (despite the historical and political triggers), is a…. special…. time.

So, in the spirit of both the bloody historical implications, and the tradition of sharing food and gratitude with blood and kin, I offer you my favorite cranberry sauce recipe.


A sweet, premeditated dish.  Since this can be served hot or chilled, it can be made up to 3 days ahead. (But unlike revenge, this dish is best served hot). 

Ingredients For Vegan, Gluten Free Cranberry Sauce

1 cup ruby Port
1 cup dry red wine
1/4 cup orange juice (no pulp)
orange rind, de-bearded
2 cinnamon sticks
1 cup dried cranberries
1 cup of cherries(either pitted/fresh or no sugar added, non-GMO, gluten-free, dried cherries)
A handful of dried blueberries
1 12-ounce bag fresh cranberries (whole berry)
3/4 cup water
1/4 cup sugar or brown sugar for richness

You will need two saucepans, and of course, a knife.

How To Make The Best Cranberry Sauce EVER


As with any proper murderous brew, first there is the mulling.

This is the time to think about the bad delicious things you’ve done

  • PAN 1: Bring ruby port and broken cinnamon sticks to boil in a heavy, medium saucepan. (Continue with 15 extra minutes of boiling if you need to remove all alcohol, for allergic or sober loved ones.)
  • PAN 2: In a second pan, at the same time, boil orange juice and red wine with a sachet (metal for consistency) of cloves, cinnamon, a light dash of allspice if you want it, and knife-scraped nutmeg.  Reduce heat to medium and simmer the mixture for 5 minutes.  Then, set the spiced concoction aside until later.
  • PAN 1: Add dried cranberries and blueberries to the main saucepan.  Simmer until slightly softened, about 3 minutes.  Slowly add the mull from the second pan, as desired: you don’t have to use all of it.  (Anything left of that can be honeyed and fed to little sisters).
    • Add fresh cranberries, 3/4 cup water, and sugar; bring to a boil, stirring until sugar dissolves.
    • Add the cherries.  Reduce heat to medium-low; cover and simmer until cranberry sauce thickens and is darker in color and berries burst and collapse, stirring often, about 20 minutes. You don’t want to let it turn to a jelly, so keep a wary eye on it.  A bloody consistency or slightly thicker is best.
    • Transfer sauce to bowl; cool.
    • Discard cinnamon sticks and sachet.
    • Cover and chill.
    • Bring to room temperature before serving.

I alter this recipe a little bit every year, to keep people on their toes, so if you give it a shot, and come up with any interesting variations, let me know….  If you like this sort of post, click through and leave a heart, so I’ll know to share more… and feel free to share it.  It’s not an official Patreon Thing, so anyone with the link can see it.  I’ll be back to posting art things soon.  The building phase of the big project is almost complete. For now, even though I haven’t made you all Things in a while, I’m missing my dearlings, and hoping to resume this year.  In the meantime, please know that I am immensely thankful for all of you.  

Enjoy your Thanksgivings, and remember, as the outsider artist J. Jackson Zazlo says, “Food goes in the neck.”

Do you have any crafty holiday tips that make you happy? Add your favorite crafting, cooking, or decor tips in the comments below!

Oh! And in case you’d like to record this decadent recipe in a seasonal journal page spread, here’s my favorite Thanksgiving colored junk journal kit, which can be printed at home and used for both crafts and stationery:

HEART OF AUTUMN Junk Journal Kit

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